The Soccer Mom
The soccer mom is usually 30 pounds overweight and has had the same unfortunate hair cut since high school. She is there for a bachelorette party, after several discussions with her husband, who insists she be home by midnight. She will never get drunk on her only night out, because she has to get the kids to soccer practice in the morning. She will get out on the dance floor, but only with a group, as she attempts the dance moves she had at senior prom. She will look bored and disinterested in dancing until one member of the of the group ramps up, at which point she starts to cut loose.
The Jumper
This woman is usually tall and thin with with fuzzy, out of control hair. She has never taken dance lessons, but she knows aerobics. Her arm movements will usually consist of air punches she learned in Tai Bo in combination with moves from step aerobics. This woman never leaves the dance floor. Her cardiac capacity rivals an African runner and she will jump dance all night long.
The Sure Thing
This woman is visually stunning and she knows it. Her dance moves with her Under Qualified BoyFriend rivals that of a Vegas pole dancer. She gyrates her hips, feels her own breasts, and hikes up her skirt, all the while scanning the room to see who is watching. If she gets lucky, she will find someone better. If she drinks too much, the under qualified boyfriend will get lucky later. When she wakes up in the morning and realizes what she did, she will justify is as a mercy fuck, and explain to the UQBF that she “Just wants to be friends,” and then packs her things to leave. She will then avoid his calls and texts. Meanwhile, the UQBF will reminisce for decades about the best night of his life and the one that got away.
The Leather Wallet
The only thing this woman ever did successfully is marry well and have unlimited tanning sessions. Just as she is 5 years past her prime, her wealthy husband leaves her for his hot, young secretary. She has money, a push up bra, and over tanned, wrinkled skin, thus earning her the name, “Leather Wallet.” She seldom hits the dance floor, but instead will spend the evening gyrating in front of 20 somethings with a dry martini in her hand. If she is intoxicated, she will systematically dry hump anonymous legs, until finally she hits the jackpot, and one desperate underage schmuck who has never been laid, takes her home.
That One Guy
It never fails. There is always That One Guy. The one who lives in his own world and dances alone. He is the first one drunk and the first on the dance floor as soon as the band plays a cover song from his high school days. If his feet were more coordinated, he would be river dancing.
